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Light the shadows
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
12:12 am
The pressure is mounting more than ever. The panic gets worse each day. Day in the day, it's the same routine. Study, worry, study more, worry even more. I really want to have a study break right now so that I can have more time to prepare for the prelims and A levels. It's damn scary that everyday just passes so fast. I fear not being able to study all the chapters well and good by prelims which seems highly likely. I don't know how at this rate I will pull up my Ds and C to As or Bs even, and I don't know if I can maintain my As. Sometimes I feel happy and optimistic cause I had been really productive for a while but at the snap of a finger, reality bites and I worry again. It probably isn't that useful to just worry but oh gosh... I just can't help fretting over my super slow pace of studying. Will some solution just drop down from the sky soon and guide me? Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that Friday's friendly is cancelled.

Thursday, July 09, 2009
10:55 am
I feel like A levels are over or something when I am just only done with Common Tests. But over the last two days I felt liberated like never before. That probably is an exaggeration but I guess it's because I was cooped up for too long. Now it's really hard to start on that home-based learning thing. I hate it. Staring at the computer, the lifeless thing, to learn something. I hope I can just whack and finish everything today so that I can go back to doing other things I want to do before switching back to ultimate mugger mode. Off to achieve my goal..!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009
12:56 am
I stepped into Botanic Gardens for the first time today! And it was such a good and memorable first time. I expected it to have more flowers and be more colourful than just the different shades of green but still it's quite a majestic place in some ways. But it was the people who made the outing so great. It was really a good evening out, pinicing with the most fun people to be with. I just really enjoy their company. I guess the best part for me was when they attempted to surprise me. There were hints of it earlier on and it made me laugh when they tried to secretly communicate their plans but so loudly. It just makes me happy when friends, especially the closest ones try to give you a good birthday. The night was complete with an attempted kidnap, super good chocolate cake, party hats and sparklers. Thanks to you guys once again! No photos to go along but I just couldn't stand it and had to type abit about tonight.

And I am still considering if I should make another first. To go or not to go?

Sunday, May 31, 2009
11:33 pm
I have been relaxing since school ended on Friday! I really should hit the books soon. Must work doubly hard to climb back up! But anyway today was seemed like one of the best days in so long. First was Sentosa with the class, then volleyball session at CCAB, followed by dinner at Mdm Lim's house and playing. It's the kind of life I wish I can live eventually in future, at least I think so for now. Just simply enjoying everything I do, no stress and super carefree. But that kind of day will be over from now on! Ok, maybe after tmr since there's still volleyball tea party. Excited because we'll be blading/cycling to school! We're all good citizens helping to save the earth. Haha. Well, but actually I'm kind of looking forward to having the fulfilment of having productive study sessions too. I do want to get started with my ultimate mugging and regular exercise life. Hope at the end of the holidays I will be feeling super good and confident about everything!

Saturday, May 16, 2009
11:40 pm

It has been a while since that Monday. I really had the best match so far, out of all that I can remember at least. The euphoria,the strength in the team, the confidence, the happiness, the pride... It was just all there. We had a nice, good ending and it helped take much of the pain away because we left with no regrets. And we left by living a legacy for the juniors to continue and better.

It was rather touching when Adryl cried for us. After going through months of trainings together, the Year 5s and 6s just blended together.It's sad that just at the peak of our friendship and team spirit, this has to end. When I see them around in school these days, I just really wish we were still training together on the courts, having our good days and bad days together. I'll definitely go back to help and train them. I wish they would train during the June holidays actually because I want to get started on helping them, if not I will have to wait till after A levels. When I see the teachers, I wish we could have those matches with them again or just simply have them around trainings.

Life is just really less interesting and more empty now. There are no trainings to look forward to after school. No more immersing myself in volleyball. I really miss the many trainings we used to have and the furious sweating it all out days and more importantly I miss training with the people.

Friday, May 08, 2009
11:37 pm
The end is such a scary place to start
Everything is torn apart and I don't know where to go from here

It's really how things are now.. But it's not really the end yet. Maybe I shouldn't drown in such emotions yet because there's still one more, one more to fight and show our worth. GIVE IT MY ALL!

Thursday, May 07, 2009
8:44 pm
I feel aimless and empty now. Don't know what's next, don't know what to expect. It's gone. We lost to a better team without a doubt but we still weren't playing at our best. We lack the finishing touch. But it's something which we did not manage to find and put in place. It's left to the juniors to find it for the future. I think that was what Jiao Lian was trying to say but I didn't fully understand what she was saying. Felt like there was something more to it.
The more I think about it, the worse I feel. At first I felt okay. I thought we played alright and I tried to be more alert and light and tried to spike well though I never really achieved any of that in actual fact. Then seeing Jurong beat Anderson just pulled me down a lot because if we had played well, we could have seen that happening to us too. Who knows NY or VJ might have been off form that day. We always know how good we can be but we never ever show it. So what's the point. I haven't played at my top form at any competition before as far as I can remember. And my top forms don't last anyway. We aren't very consistent. Sometimes we have it sometimes we don't.
And I have arrived at a conclusion that hard work doesn't get you very far. Yes maybe you'll improve. But it's not enough. You need hard work X1000, attitude and mental strength and probably a whole long list of other things. I feel somewhat a loser. I know we've gained a lot this whole period and I've had the best team and best friends ever. But to see what we worked for vanish is kind of sad. Oh well, someone has to be out. I don't know what I should do for Monday's match though. Should I continue doing what I did to prepare or just go for it and whack? It's our last and I hope that it'll be good. Really hope to show for once how good we can be.. And really hope to end this chapter off decently well.


Yi Xian
Zhi Xin
Zhuo Wen

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